Filthy Secret
by lies-d
Summary: Thor gets falling-down drunk and pulls his brother into bed - an encounter which, if discovered, could ruin both of their lives.
1. Chapter 1

Thor's arm weighs heavily on Loki's shoulders as he guides his brother to his room. Should Thor stumble, he would surely take them both down in a heap. Loki half-hopes his brother isn't yet that drunk, though it would be his just punishment for drugging Thor's mead.

His wish had only been for Thor to throw insults at some Thane or make a clumsy advance towards one of the Valkyries. It was to have been Loki's gift of embarrassment where others had been heaping honours on him all night. _Of course_ Thor and his warriors gloriously defeated the Fire Giants' invasion of their borders. They always succeeded in feats of battle. It was a given. Why waste Loki's time with such a lavish, insufferable display of Asgard's gratitude, especially after Thor had forbidden him to fight by their side this time and share in their glory.

Instead of making a fool of himself as Loki wishes he had, Thor had simply stood and announced his intention to seek his bed. No one even jeered at him for leaning on Loki for support.

They approach his door and Thor _does _stumble a little, but at the last second manages to find his step. Loki is perversely both relieved and disappointed, for he also half-wishes Thor _would _fall on him. The fleeting thought of having his brother's body covering his own sends a pleasant tingle down his spine.

But that thought is neither here nor there - a forbidden thing that Loki rarely even allows himself in private moments of pleasure. He had earned enough scorn for his mischief and his lack of skill at arms. If such incestuous urges were made known, he could well be removed from his father's court, or even thrown out of Asgard, or worse - Thor would be within his rights to seek retribution for such an insult to his honour, up to and including Loki's death, brutal and inglorious beneath the crushing blow of his hammer.

Such things Loki would not risk, even for something he so craves.

Loki puts the thought out of his mind while he leads Thor into his room and lets him fall heavily onto the bed. Turning on a heel, Loki intends to take some small revenge by leaving Thor to fall asleep in his light armour.

"Loki," Thor's voice calls out, stopping Loki in his tracks, "Help me undress."

Loki's breath halts for a moment. Unable to help himself, he turns to comply.

The amusement of seeing his brother clumsily pawing at the fastenings of his hauberk is reward enough, but Loki stays for more.

Pulling Thor to his feet, Loki attends to the business of undressing his brother. Thor stares at Loki while his long, slender fingers make quick work of the various knots and fastenings holding Thor's armour to his body.

With a strange look on his face, Thor reaches up and carefully chooses the end of one of the thin cords knotted at Loki's collar. Before Loki can bat his hand away, he gives it a swift tug. The fastenings of Loki's own cloak come free, dropping to the floor behind him.

Thor grins sheepishly at him and Loki surmises that in his drunken state he thinks it some kind of prank. Nonetheless, Thor's smile causes a surprising pang - a mixture of pleasure and pain both. For Thor never smiles at him anymore. He has a grin and a hearty backslap for everyone else he meets, but for his brother. Thor's smile disappears like the sun behind a storm cloud, leaving only a wariness in his eyes that Loki is unsure has anything to do with his mischief. If there were some particular deception that had caused such a look in his brother's eye, Loki is surprised to learn he would surely apologize and make amends, but the wariness came gradually as they both grew to maturity, with no connection to any one deed of trickery.

Loki looks away from Thor's smile, wanting neither the pain nor the pleasure it brings.

"Yes, very funny brother. Surely your wit will make you renowned throughout all of Asgard."

Loki puts his strength into lifting Thor's hauberk away, leaving his brother in only his smallclothes. He allows his eyes to linger but a few moments on the outline of muscle he can see through his brother's light undertunic.

Thor catches him by the chin. Loki's gaze snaps up to Thor's eyes and a sudden bolt of panic rushes through him.

"You were looking," says Thor.

Fear boils up from the pit of Loki's stomach as he watches the wariness return to his brother's eyes. Loki knows that that look is simply a storm cloud, and could give way at any moment to lightning flashes of anger. Putting one large hand down heavily on Loki's shoulder, Thor prevents him from fleeing as he suddenly wishes he could.

"Did you like what you saw?" questions Thor.

"Brother, I..." Loki begins, but his mouth is so dry. Before his tongue can shape a lie to save himself, he licks his lips.

Loki sees the lightning flash in his brother's eyes, but it isn't the anger he is expecting. Instead, Thor pulls him close and brings their lips together in a long, deep, kiss.

It is Loki who pulls away, telling himself it is for breath, though really it's out of fear.

"I doubt you'll remember that in the morning, brother," Loki says. _Though I'll treasure it for the rest of my life_.

Thor's eyes are half-lidded, but the intensity of his gaze pierces Loki like a spear. Thor is literally panting with lust. Loki tries to pull away, but his brother holds him close.

"Want you..." Thor murmurs. "Stay with me." He takes Loki's hand and guides it down under his nightshirt, towards his manhood. Loki finds it thick with desire, and wraps his hand around it, stroking it, revelling in the feeling of the smooth skin sliding over rock-hard flesh.

"Yess, just like that," Thor hisses. He pulls his nightshirt off, leaving himself naked. Before Loki can reaches out to touch his firm, inviting muscles, Thor finds the edge of his tunic and pulls it up and off over Loki's head in one forceful motion that leaves Loki breathless and uncovered above the waist.

Thor then sits down heavily on the bed and tries to undo the lacings of Loki's trousers. Failing that, he rips them open and throws them to the floor. At this Loki flinches, but Thor seizes his waist and drags him onto the bed, throwing him face down onto one of his pillows.

Spreading Loki's legs, Thor settles himself between them, leaning down to cover Loki's body with his own, giving Loki his earlier wish and more. Loki shivers and arches up instinctively to feel as much of his brother as possible.

Thor reaches down to squeeze and rub the soft flesh of Loki's lower cheeks. Loki is shocked to feel him dragging the head of his manhood up and down his cleft, smearing drops of leaked seed over Loki's most private area.

"Oil. We need oil." Thor's breath is hot on Loki's neck. Part of Loki is relieved that one of them remembers that detail, and part of him is horrified that this is actually happening. Should the sin they're about to commit be discovered, they'll be covered in shame from now until Ragnarok.

Part of him _wants wants wants _it so much, whatever the price.

Reaching up, Thor dips his fingers into a bowl left conveniently there for such a need. Loki can feel drops of oil dripping down as Thor hastily coats himself.

Thor kisses Loki's shoulder. His manhood lingers near Loki's entrance, teasing him, but there is still time to turn back.

"Nonono, brother don't do this." _You'll hate me in the morning. Hate me and blame me. _ But the pillow beneath Loki's face is thick and muffles his voice. He's not sure if Thor can hear him.

Then Thor pushes, and it's too late. The head of his manhood is inside of Loki. _His brother is inside of him_. With no preparation it should have hurt, but Loki is so willing that he opens for his brother and lets him in easily. He's been waiting for this for so long.

It seems Thor is to make him wait a little longer as he stops for a moment to rest his forehead in Loki's hair, trembling every so slightly. Loki is amazed to realize that Thor must be pausing to keep his completion at bay, though he's pleased not to be the only one ready to spill himself just from what they've already done.

Thor finally moves again, and with one solid thrust slides in easily to the hilt. He groans into Loki's hair and Loki nearly sobs. _It's so good. _His brother is thick and long. He can feel the warm weight of his sac pressed against him, heavy with the seed that is to be spilled inside of him by night's end.

When Thor pulls back and pushes back in, it's just as good as the first time. While he continues steadily, pounding Loki into the mattress with an almost punishing rhythm, Loki moans loudly into the pillow beneath him.

It continues for a short eternity. Thor is relentless. Loki doesn't even have to bring his hand to himself - his pleasure is so great that he spills onto the blanket below without being touched, and afterward lies sated and boneless while his brother continues to rut inside of him.

Finally, _finally, _Thor can hold back no longer, and with a groan fills his brother with seed.

After, though Thor pulls him close, as soon as he is asleep Loki regretfully takes himself from Thor's embrace to rise and gather his clothes. He regrets nothing, but knows that to risk staying together would be to risk being seen together, and he has already wagered his future on this brief encounter.

_There will be other nights,_ he vows to himself and to Thor as he slips out of the room to make his way to his own. He has never been more thankful that it is so nearby.

* * *

><p>The next day Loki allows himself a long morning in bed, lingering in the scent that his brother has left on him, enjoying the light ache in his backside. He tells himself it will only be until next time (he does so ache to have his brother back inside of him), and if he is any kind of schemer he will find a way to arrange it soon.<p>

For the first time since he was young, before he learned the terrible gravity of such thought and what his punishment might be should someone learn of them, Loki takes himself in hand with his brother in mind, spilling onto his sheets as quickly as he did all those years ago.

* * *

><p>Loki finds Thor breaking his fast well past noon.<p>

"Good day, brother."

"Loki," responds Thor, one hand on his brow to shade his eyes from the sunlight. "You sound cheerful. What trickery do you have planned today?"

Loki affords himself the barest smirk as he settles himself at the table. "Oh, dark mischief indeed, I assure you," he said after he was assured that nobody was around to hear them.

"Really?" Thor brings his hand away to glance up at Loki with lifted eyebrows. "Well be sure to leave me out of it. I can barely remember anything from last night, and I'm not entirely unconvinced that you had something to do with that." Seeing Thor's eyes for the first time this morning, Loki finds no trace of what went on between them last night, only the pained fatigue of a night spent in drink, and the old wariness back on his face like a cloud.

Coldness settles in the pit of Loki's stomach.

"You don't remember last night?"

Thor shakes his head and drinks more of his water. "Apparently someone gave me a fine shield made by the dwarven smiths of Nidavellir, but I don't know which Thane to whom I should give my gratitude."

"It was Thane Borghild," offers Loki numbly. Thane Borghild had given him the shield well over an hour before Loki had helped him to his bedroom.

Again Thor lifts his eyebrows. "Thank you, brother." The word pierces Loki with pain finer than any needle.

"And you don't remember going to bed?" Asks Loki, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.

"No, although I've been informed I left the feast early, before I could be plagued by any more of your mischief. A small blessing, although I'm sure you found the night to be most disappointing."

Loki doesn't know whether to laugh or sob. "Oh, terribly," he manages to choke out before he is able to get up and flee the room.


	2. Chapter 2

_Truly, do you not remember, brother? _Loki thinks as he watches Thor sparring with his fellow warriors in the ring below. _You kissed me. Held me. You covered my naked body with yours and rutted inside me until we both found completion._

From high in the Western tower, Loki looks down at the combatants wrestling in the dirt. Thor gleams with sweat. From this height Loki could be watching anyone, and so feels safe in staring only at his brother, drinking in the sight of that body he recently knew so well.

_Has it truly been wiped from your mind as easily as your spill was wiped from my thighs?_

Thor seems to feel his gaze, for he looks right up at him. Their eyes meet. Loki knows he should look away, but he doesn't. Thor watches him as though watching the distant fires of an enemy camp. Cold. Wary. Nothing has changed between them.

Thor is the first to break their gaze, giving his attention to the warrior he has just bested, receiving his congratulations.

Loki watches for another mere moment before departing towards the cool darkness of the catacombs, where he can bury his thoughts in a spell book.

* * *

><p>Weeks pass. Loki had thought his cravings, now sated, would lessen in time, but he finds that instead they've only grown. Although he is a master deceiver, the fear lingers that others will surely notice his desire written plainly on his face, so strongly does it burn inside of him.<p>

Enduring yet another night of troubled sleep, Loki quits his chamber to wander the halls, soon finding himself in the comforting stillness of the catacombs once again.

A familiar text is waiting open on the desk for him, and once he has read enough, he stands to try casting the magic therein. Closing his eyes, he chants the rune passage over and over, letting his tongue know the words as his mind begins to grasp the magic.

"There you are." A familiar voice disturbs Loki's thoughts, and the magic dies on his fingertips. He opens his eyes to see his brother standing at the door, holding a torch aloft.

"Thor," says Loki, his momentary peace shattered. The look on his brother's face is unfamiliar, but when Thor takes an unsteady step forward, Loki realizes that he is drunk. Very drunk.

"I looked in your room, but you weren't there," recounts Thor. He mounts his torch on a nearby sconce and closes the door.

Loki's mouth suddenly becomes dry. "Why were you looking for me?" He asks.

Thor doesn't answer, but pushes Loki up against the wall and kisses him hungrily.

All thoughts flee Loki's mind. Thor's kisses taste of spirits much stronger than mead or wine. Though part of Loki is aware that the situation is wrong for so many reasons, he can't bring himself to stop it.

When Thor starts pulling his clothes off, Loki helps, not wishing Thor to rip them to shreds.

This time there is no holding. No gentle touching. Thor pulls Loki to the floor and turns him around so that he is fully presented. Kneeling behind him, Thor takes hold of Loki's hip with one hand, as though preventing escape, while his other hand fumbles to withdraw a stoppered glass vial from a pouch tied to his belt nearby.

Loki hears the cork fall to the ground a few seconds before the vial joins it, breaking in two with a loud crack of glass. Thor mutters a curse but brings his hand down to coat himself with what oil he was able to get. It is enough, for a moment later Thor slides into his brother's entrance in one smooth stroke.

Thor takes him roughly, grunting like an animal. As before, Loki opens for him so easily, it feels as though he was made for this kind of use. The hard slap of Thor's flesh against his buttocks only serves to arouse him more.

Wrapping his arms around Loki, Thor lifts him up to lean flush against Thor's chest. Mouth hot on Loki's ear, he reaches down to take Loki in hand. Though his brother's strokes are clumsy and uneven, Loki spends himself in no great span of time.

Thor bends him back over to continue using him.

Loki droops against the floor and tries not to think too deeply on what they're doing. For though he is sated, he isn't completely satisfied. Loki wanted Thor again, but he didn't want him like this. The air smells of damp and disuse. The stone floor beneath them grinds unpleasantly into his knees and palms. Had Thor only warned him, he could have brought a blanket, prepared a spot that was hidden but not so... dirty.

But had Thor known earlier what he would be doing? Would he remember tomorrow? Was he even aware of what he was doing now? Thor's obvious shame tarnished and cheapened an act that otherwise Loki would have cherished.

"Thor, you bastard," mutters Loki under his breath.

Thor slows his pace and leans over. Loki can feel his breath in puffs on his back.

"Does it hurt?" asks Thor, still moving inside of him.

_Yes, but not the way you think. _Loki fears saying this will make Thor stop, as he equally fears Thor _won't _stop even if he says yes. So he replies, "No."

His brother kisses his shoulder blade. "Good. I don't wish to hurt you, I just need... need to..."

Thor's mind is unable to form anymore words, and he finishes his sentence by spilling thickly inside his brother, confirming Loki's long-held suspicion that Thor truly sometimes thinks with his manhood.

With their night's congress now over, Thor clothes himself and departs without another word.


	3. Chapter 3

Loki doesn't see Thor for several days, so assiduously does his brother avoid him. When talk of a battle on the edge of Vanaheim arises in the halls of Asguard, Loki seeks Thor out in the fields beyond the Eastern wall, where many of the warriors would surely be training their mounts while they argued over who was to go and give aid their allies.

Wearing the guise of a fox, Loki lopes through the grass and finds his brother assessing a new mount. Loki trots right up to Thor before transforming back to his usual skin, so vexed is he by the fear that should Thor be given any warning he would mount his horse and flee sooner than speak to him. When Loki ses the look in Thor's eye as he appears, he is amused to see that Thor wishes he could do just that. His brother practically flinches at the sight of him.

He _knows_. Loki realizes that whatever spirits he'd had to drink that night hadn't been nearly strong enough to wipe clean the memories of what he'd done. This time, at least, Thor remembers.

"I would have words with you, brother," states Loki. It isn't in his nature to take so direct an approach, but he feels that in this case there could be no other way.

Thor looks over Fandral, the nearest of his comrades. Fabdral isn't looking at them directly, but he is close enough to hear. "No doubt you wish to accompany us to Vanaheim."

Thor is never usually one to dissemble or avoid a topic. He must be troubled indeed. "As a matter of fact I do, but I'm sure I already know your answer," replies Loki.

"Aye, the same as last time. Sorcery is no substitute for strength, little brother. You would do well to stay within the walls of our home."

"Were that what I came to talk with you about, I would have more words on the topic. Now, will you come with me or won't you?

Thor looks away. "I have nothing else to say to you, Loki."

Loki steps closer and lowers his voice. "I have _bruises_, dear brother. Interesting bruises, in the shape of your hand. Do you wish to see them?" This was a lie, but Loki moves as if to pull his tunic up from his hips.

"No!" Thor doesn't quite shout, stopping Loki's hand with his own. Loki is surprised to see genuine fear on his face.

"_Then we must have words, _brother. But not here." Loki hisses.

After what seems like an eternity, Thor finally nods his assent. He shouts over to Fandral that he will rejoin them at the evening meal. The afternoon is getting late, and most of the other warriors are already moving back towards the Eastern gate.

Thor mounts his horse and Loki shifts into the shape of a deer and leads him out towards the edge of the forest at the end of the plain.

REPLACE WITH PAGE SPACE

Thor lingers near his horse after dismounting, checking the beast's tack, unable to meet Loki's eyes. This strange behaviour amuses Loki, but unsettles him too. His brother has always believed himself to be a good man, but now he knows himself to be as flawed and tarnished as Loki.

"I'm sorry," Thor says. It is as straightforward an approach as he could muster. When he turns, head bowed, towards him, Loki slaps him across the face.

"For what?" Loki demands.

"For using you most foully," Thor answers, his voice gravely with regret. "That night in the catacombs."

"And the night after the feast?"

Thor's eyes widen in surprise. "I thought that was a dream."

It may have well been, for Loki had been thinking of it as such ever since.

"I'm sorry for that too." Thor's head bows even further. "Will you tell anyone?" He asks wretchedly.

A bark of laughter escapes Loki, sharp and unbidden. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. "I would be accused of seducing you, and likely banished. "

Thor's mouth pulls down at the corners in distress. He clearly enjoyed being the favourite son, but he had always resisted admitting how unfair that could be.

"I would confess. If you wished it of me," Thor finally offers. From the set of his jaw and the grief in his eyes, Loki sees that he is telling the truth. He had always hated him a little for his constant efforts to be noble, hated him all the more bitterly for the fact that he loved him for it too.

"I am so sorry, brother," Thor repeats, and Loki nearly slaps him again.

"Don't be. I didn't ask it of you," replies Loki. Though suddenly it occurrs to Loki just how much he might ask in return for Thor's transgression. This could be a great source of power in his life. He could ask for Thor to leave, or step down from the line of succession. He need never live in his brother's shadow again.

The temptation burns bright, but something else in Loki burns brighter. Something he needs even more than to humble Thor.

"All I want is a truthful answer. Will you give it to me?"

Thor nods. "Yes, I swear. Ask anything."

Loki looks Thor in the eye. "Do you only desire me when you're had too much drink?"

It was as though Loki had struck a fatal blow, so much pain does he see in Thor's eyes. Thor opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. For a moment Loki thinks he might go back on his word, before Thor finally steels himself to say, "I desire you _all the time_."

It is the answer Loki needed. He does what he has wanted to do since he met his brother on the field - he reaches up and draws Thor close for a deep kiss.

When they part, Thor stares at him with eyes wide. "Brother... what, _why?_"

Loki laughs. "_Why? _Thor, you great fool! Were you so drunk you didn't notice how much I enjoyed those nights together?"

Thor looks down sheepishly. "I thought I'd imagined that."

Loki tips his chin back up. "Well, let me show you again so you might be sure," he says, kissing him again.

Loki is dismayed when Thor pushes him away.

"No, not here," says his older brother.

"There is no one here to see, save Heimdall, but it is well known he keeps his own council on such matters." Loki's thoughts are addled with lust. He wants his brother _now, _but to his growing worry, Thor holds him back.

"No. Anyone could see us. The very sky might see us."

Loki swallows his bitter disappointment. So that is how it is to be. Thor is still ashamed. They can only come together in dark, ugly place where no one could bear witness. Well then, so be it.

Thor takes his hand. "Come with me, Loki," he says, and leaving his horse to graze in the field, leads his brother with some haste into the forest.

* * *

><p>Thor pulls Loki through the woods until he finds what he is looking for.<p>

It's a tree, old and proud, with high branches that bow and hang down to the ground, creating a wide leafy curtain around its trunk. Thor leads his brother past the green curtain.

Here, the leaves shade them, casting pale green light dappled with gold. The tree gently reclines, and its base is covered in soft-looking moss, as inviting as any bed. They can't see outside, so surely no one would see them in here.

The place within is perfect and hidden, exactly like what they were about to do.

They kiss again, and then race to shed their clothing. Thor finishes first, then pushes Loki down into the crook of the tree and pulls his pants off himself. The moss at Loki back is springy and sweet-smelling. Thor leans down against him and

they melt together for a few long moments, kissing and touching each other languidly.

"We have no oil," Loki observed with disappointment.

A smile quirks the end of his brother's mouth. "We may not need it," Thor says. Kissing his way down his brother's chest, he finds Loki's manhood full and leaking against his abdomen. He licks a drop of seed from the tip before taking it into his mouth and sucking on it with obscene enthusiasm.

Loki moans and lets his head fall back. He thought he would have had to beg and please to get his brother to pleasure him so. He wraps his fingers in Thor's hair and watches his head bobbing up and down while he searches for just the right combination of licking, sucking, and stroking. When he finds it, Loki gasps and arches up.

"Too good, brother, too much... you'll make me..." But Thor doesn't stop, and soon Loki spills helplessly into his brother's sinfully eager mouth.

While Loki sprawls back satedly, Thor spits Loki's seed into his hand and uses it to coat his erect length. Then he wraps Loki's legs around his hips and leans forward to plant kisses on his chest.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," Thor murmurs into Loki's collar as he brings his manhood up to Loki's entrance.

"Suck me? Ahh..." With a gentle push Thor is inside him, and Loki's silver tongue stills.

"Oh yes. At mealtimes I often thought about ducking under the table and taking you into my mouth. All wines seem dull, so much did I thirst for the taste of you." Thor takes up a long pace, pulling out near to the tip before plunging back in to the hilt. Over and over again.

Loki smiles at the image Thor described, but doesn't reply, so lost is he in the pleasure of being taken so by his brother. He doesn't know how Thor can speak while doing such things to him.

"Whenever you deign to step into the sparring ring to practice with your spear and your daggers, all I can think about is throwing you down and taking you in the dust."

_Ah,_ that could explain why Thor doesn't want Loki fighting with him. They would have words about it later.

"At night, I think about sneaking into your bedroom and having you in your sleep," Thor continues with his lurid confession. "And I have wanted to follow you down into those catacombs for _ever_. So you could call my name while I took you against one of the desks, or the wall, and no one would be around to hear. I have _wanted _you, brother, in every way possible. In every place possible. Up against the East wall and the West wall, high in the towers, down in the cellars, and on every stairwell in between."

Loki moans wantonly. His brother's words shock and arouse him in a way he's never experience. As fiercely as Loki desired his brother, it never occurred to him that Thor could want him even more.

Though he didn't think he would, Loki spills again, dragging Thor's completion along with him.

After filling his brother with seed, Thor pulls out to let it drip down onto the moss. Loki unwraps his legs from around Thor's waist, and they lie panting, holding each other,

"And so you shall have me, brother," assures Loki, running his fingers through Thor's sweat-dampened hair. "In every way possible, I promise. Though we may have to show more discretion about where we choose to meet."

Thor smiles at him. It's as bright as the sun after a long, grey winter.


End file.
